10.8.18

MY 'SOMEDAY' HAS ARRIVED:
I MOVED TO LONDON!



Close your eyes. 

Ok, actually open them, read the next instruction, and then close! 

Imagine you are doing that thing you've always wanted to do. 

Travel to India. Become a parent. Learn to surf. Get a dog. Volunteer. Write a book. You know what it is. Imagine that your someday has arrived. 

Open your eyes. 

We all have dreams. We all have that thing or goal or person or place that we think about in the empty moments. The sheer thought of said dream could make us smile or tear up or laugh. It's there. It lives within us all the time. When we reduce the noise around us, the dream gets louder. When we can find a space within ourselves that is quiet and we take the time to listen, we hear it speak. It speaks to us and guides us. The more time we take to listen, the more knowledge we gather from it. The more we know, the less we fear. 

Then, one day we open our eyes and we're there. We're actually living our dream instead of day-dreaming. 

This is my reality right now. I've spoken about my dream — while not calling it that — a little bit on this blog. My close friends and family have been hearing about it for some time now. I was even tired of hearing myself talk about it. 

My someday has arrived. I have finally pursued my dream of living and working in London. 

There are so many lessons and stories I want to share about the process of getting here because it definitely didn't happen over night. I don't want anyone to think this was easy at all but I do want you to know that it is possible. While every risk comes with challenges, it also comes with rewards and so far, in my 10 days here, I've witnessed magic in Every. Single. Day. 

I'll start with this. 

Overcoming Fears & Self-Doubt 

I think the biggest thing I have learned through this experience so far has been the recurring theme of fear and self-doubt. In order for me to action my dream, I had to believe I deserved it. I put so much time, effort, energy, and finances into this. I put everything I had into this. So, I have to really believe in my abilities and my self-worth had to be strong. It is the only thing that sustains me when it gets hard or I hit a block. 

The journey itself — and it sounds cliché I know — has truly been the biggest and best experience. I have learned so much about myself, about making shit happen, being resourceful, and about trusting the path I chose. I never set any expectations around how I would feel or exactly what would happen once I got here. Now that I'm here, I am realizing the biggest lesson will be renewing my self-confidence every day. Even when it comes to the simplest things. Like finding dinner in a new city by myself. Being alone is one area where I need to significantly improve on. And I couldn't be in a better situation to work on this. Being alone sometimes makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and I can feel super shy and self-conscious. #TwinProblems. In Ottawa where I'm from, I would see my friends at least a few times per week and I never found myself feeling alone or isolated. In my hometown, I was that girl who I now look at, surrounded by friends on a patio in London, and feel so envious of. On my first night here, I was faced with the dreaded task of finding dinner — alone. I was about to order take out and bring it home to eat in my room by myself. Instead, I made the swift and gutsy decision to go to a restaurant — alone. I sat there, in my own company, and ordered a celebratory drink, salad and pizza that just so happened to be heart-shaped. I took my time. I existed amongst all the friends and couples surrounding me. 

Whilst waiting for my heart-shaped pizza, without wifi or data on my phone or a book to read, I wrote a poem to summarize a reminder to myself.


You’re here

You’re here to live big
You’re here to relax
You’re here to be yourself
You’re here to inspire and uplift
You’re here to help
You’re here to live out your potential

You’re not here

You’re not here to live small
You’re not here to internalize 
You’re not here to shrivel and doubt
You’re not here to show off
You’re not here to be anyone else

***

We need mantras, poetry, or just simple words that we recite to ourselves to remind us of our worth on a daily basis. It can fuel everything we do and it helps us live a life closer to our truth. 




This experience has proved to me that we all have a path or flow, and when we go with that flow, the people, places and things we need all conspire to help us on that journey. When we go against the flow, despite secretly knowing or not even knowing where we need to go, life is a little bit rougher. Sometimes, most times, we aren't even aware whether or not we are in the flow. I wasn't aware. What I did know for sure is that when I heard about London or saw pictures or talked to people from there, I felt instantly giddy. As I packed up my office where I worked for the past five years, I found a London-themed notebook. It was my first notebook I used for work in 2013. I must've just thought it was cute at the time, but the Universe had another plan. 

London makes me happy. And when people ask me why I moved here, I don't really know what to say other than I feel called to be here. They ask what I'll be doing in terms of getting a job or a clear purpose because we humans need to categorize things in our brain so it is easier to process. We're human but we're also spiritual beings. I believe we all inherently understand the spiritual language that sometimes doesn't make logical sense. When we make decisions and take actions based on our spirituality, heart space, our feelings and gut, it doesn't always make perfect logical sense. I now believe this makes the most sense in the world. And this type of sense is the only thing that matters.

I can't wait to share what I've been up to and all of the lessons that come with this experience. I am trying to live every day to the fullest and enjoy this precious time.  



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