|Lyrics: Yes I'm Changing - Tame Impala|
I've been thinking a lot about identity.
Our identity helps us feel a sense of stability. It can help guide us when making decisions and can give us a sense of belonging. The thing about identity, though, is that it can cause some rigidity in our ever changing lives. And the reality is, people change.
Through my yoga and mediation practice, I've been able to strengthen my ability to adapt to change. I've become more fluid and I now like to say things like "I go with the flow" ~~~
I'll explain. Over the past, say, six months, I've changed. In hindsight, I see it as shedding. I started noticing that the things that used to excite me didn't anymore. I stopped shopping as much, I stopped caring so much about what I looked like, I started to care about recycling and the environment. I started to care more about what I put in my body. I switched from wearing perfume to wearing essential oils. I stopped watching certain YouTube channels and unfollowed Instagram accounts that focused too much on outer beauty, celebrity, products, or were simply inauthentic.
At first, I resisted.
Why do we resist change? I think it's because our identity gives us so much comfort that we get too comfort~able in it. I learned that I too was attached to my identity. I was attached to the woman who felt like she had to look a certain way and become externally successful in order to be happy. I was afraid that others might find me boring if I changed. And that is among my worst fears. Being boring.
But the truth is, and I know this now for sure, feeling free to be myself, my true self, is never boring.
Throughout this past year, I've taken the time to strengthen my relationship with me. And this strength has allowed me to shake off my armour. I've opened my eyes and become more aware of what matters to me.
My sense of style, approach to fashion/shopping, and self-confidence have gone through a transformation. I used to feel the need to add layers upon layers of clothes, makeup, and accessories, just to feel normal. If I didn't think my outfit was weird enough, I couldn't leave my house feeling good. I was constantly dependent on these material things.
Once I became no longer dependent, I didn't feel like dressing as wild. It didn't excite me anymore. And I really really struggled with this up until recently. What's helped me connect with this new me has been accepting that I was changing and then allowing the change to occur. Earlier last year, I found myself making too many mall/fast fashion purchases and being unhappy/confused with my wardrobe. I've recently re-acquainted with my love of thrift and vintage shopping. And these types of clothes truly excite me.
At first I thought I lost my love for fashion. But now I realize I didn't lose my love for fashion, I lost my dependence on it. I love what I love. I love vintage clothes, self expression, individuality, colour, SEQUINS. These things are woven in my fabric, inside and out. But I don't rely on clothes to fulfill me in the way that they used to. My vibrancy now comes from inside and so I shine more on the outside, regardless of what I'm wearing.
|Faux Fur Coat: Vintage Sears, Value Village, $25. Jeans: Forever 21+, $30. Boots: Naturalizer, The Bay Outlet, $75. Purse: Value Village, $3. Necklace: H&M, $3.|
|Speaking of VINTAGE, here's a friendly reminder of the Ottawa Vintage Clothing Show this SUNDAY! See you there?|
|PHOTOS BY ROSIE.|