|Dress: "It's Better", Exile in Kensington Market (Toronto, ON), $35. Shoes: New Look (UK), $25. Purse: Thrifted, $2. Glasses: Similar: Clearly.ca.|
I'm having trouble keeping with the pace of Fall. The heat, speed, and ease of Summer has been replaced with a slow, sombre breeze that has caught me off guard. I find myself in a panic when life slows down. If it sounds bad, it's because it is. I have issues. I feel the need to be constantly doing, fixing, changing, improving, creating. And while I am beginning to accept this part of me and see the beauty in it, I am also struggling to find a balance so that I stay sane. I am learning to be more okay with just being. I try not to feel guilty if I take a night off to relax (aka having a bath or crocheting while re-watching Friends). I try not to fill every second of my day with something.
I desperately want to feel totally cool with my own company. I've come a long, long way (I used to actually have panic attacks when left alone) but I have a lot of work to do. I'm an extrovert who thrives on the company of people and who actually feels energized by others. But I have a tendency to do too much and end up feeling resentful and exhausted. Which isn't good.
Another thing I've been struggling with is wanting to have rich experiences. Every. Single. Day. When the sheer fact is (and thank you to Lisa for pointing this out), something incredible won't happen every day and these things can't be forced. But! There are little miracles inside each day if you're open to seeing them. Like, say, the sun shining through the trees and hitting your face. Like a vintage dress that fits you just right. Like a stranger who holds the door for you. Like simply being alive and experiencing what it means to be human. Feeling things like happiness, joy and love. But also sadness and confusion — because without them — we wouldn't appreciate the good as deeply or maybe even at all.
Let's take a moment to see the miracles.
|PHOTOS BY LISA KIDD|